1999: I ♥ The Eurovision Song Contest

Shalom! This year the Eurovision was held in Jerusalem, Israel. This still blows my geographical mind but let’s not dwell on that – Viva La Jesus!

Holy Trinity...
Holy Trinity

The entry from the United Kingdom this year was “Say It Again” by girl group Precious. They were a good group and a kind of Eternal/Atomic Kitten mash-up and delivered a good performance with synchronised dance moves and that all important key change.

They went off to have some follow-up success as Precious and one member did actually join Atomic Kitten. Sadly, they never got enough points and “Say It Again” came twelfth…I said it came twelfth. It came twelfth, “Say It Again” came twelfth…you get the idea.

The Spanish entry, Lydia, stopped off at the candy shop to pick up her dress before she got on stage. If it was a sugar competition she would have won hands down but it’s not and she came last.

I associate the name Doris with nice, sweet old ladies who have white hair and smell of mints so to see the Croatian entry from Doris scared me a little. She’s not sweet at all and is obviously taking advantage of being in Israel by singing about Mary Magdalene in what can only be described as a poor copy of “Viva La Diva”.

The Norwegian entry had been watching far too many Peter Andre videos this year to the extent that I think he actually thought he was Peter Andre. Come on, there’s only one Pete and we love him so Stig you will just have to carry on living your life without Pete.

Okay Denmark may be good at making kid’s toys, amazing audio systems and bacon but they when it comes to stealing other people’s songs – not so much, Just because you have a male and female singer and throw in an acoustic guitar doesn’t stop us from noticing that you have quite clearly copied a Backstreet Boys song. Bad Denmark, bad.

When the French decide to enter a ballad I can’t help but love it. The French language and accent is just so beautiful when it’s sung as a ballad. This girl could be singing about how she got her neck implant to make her look more like good old giraffe neck Celine Dion for all I care.

The Netherlands entry from Marlayne has, in my opinion, Eurovision stamped all over it – catchy, fun and makes you smile. This should have finished a lot higher that 8th.

The entry from Iceland had Eurovision all over it too – but a bit too much and a bit too dated for my liking. It was good and it did finish second but I just thought it would have been better if it had entered earlier in the 90s. Also, speaking of time travel…were we? Yes! Doesn’t Selma look like a character from a Doctor Who episode played by Jo Joyner.

In 2014, Austria have entered a “bearded lady” into Eurovision but Portugal were the trendsetter as the done this in 1999.

After winning so many times, this year Ireland decided to take it down a notch…literally. Seriously, this song should have been called “Brown Sound” if this woman sang any lower I think I would have to s**t myself.

Israel couldn’t top Dana International at all so they decided to take a chance with “Happy Birthday” and hope that it was enough people’s birthdays that they would vote. They also learned dance moves from the 1994 German entry which I think helped them finish fifth.

Before we find out who won – what was the interval act this year? Well, I think it was an 8 minute dance track version of the old bible and what the “new” bible should be but I could be wrong.

Who won? Only the masters of Eurovision! Sweden!

They sure know how to produce a perfect Eurovision song and so they should as they have the Melodifestivalen to choose their song which pretty much lasts all year. It was Charlotte Nilsson’s turn this year with “Take Me To Your Heaven” which kind of had a religious theme but it was much more subtle than some of the other entries.

Okay, so I want to put together an Swedish Abba-type super Eurovision group and so far we’ve got Carola, now Charlotte – who else do we need? How AMazing would that be – go Sweden!!!

Until next time – carry on plundering!